Hello, and welcome to another discography ranking. As with my Rush discography ranking from January of this year, this one comes in light of some not so happy news. If you are the kind of person who reads rock blogs, chances are you’re well aware of the passing of Eddie Van Halen. What can I even begin to say about this individual? Eddie Van Halen was one of the greatest, most innovative, and most face-meltingly badass guitarists ever to touch the instrument. Apart from perhaps Jimi Hendrix, nobody has inspired more kids to pick up an electric guitar. So today, to pay tribute to the musical accomplishments of Eddie and his band, we’ll be ranking the 12 studio albums of Van Halen. Let’s get started!
12. Van Halen III (1998)
I hate to say it, but I really don’t have much good to say about Van Halen III. For over a decade leading up to this album, Van Halen had gradually embraced bulkier songwriting, leading to longer album runtimes, and relying more and more on keyboards and ballads. And while many fans blamed Sammy Hagar for this transformation, his departure from the band certainly didn’t make matters any better. No disrespect to Gary Cherone as a vocalist, but he really doesn’t bring any personality of his own to the table here. What he offers is essentially an underwhelming attempt to mix David Lee Roth’s charisma with Sammy Hagar’s hard rock pipes, and it doesn’t even come close to making a lasting impression. On top of that, the hand he was dealt just happened to be the weakest batch of songs in Van Halen’s discography. They’re too long, the momentum never rises too high above mid-tempo sludge, and on top of lacking anything memorable or even that enjoyable, the total runtime is well over an hour long. Completely unnecessary. Not to mention, bassist Michael Anthony was barely present, and perhaps not coincidentally, the three songs he actually played on are the only redeemable moments of this absolute snooze. Even being the completist I am, I give you my full blessing to skip this one.
11. A Different Kind of Truth (2012)
With David Lee Roth back on lead vocals for the first time since 1984, and Eddie Van Halen’s son Wolfgang Van Halen taking over on bass, Van Halen delivered a final album that is more or less a callback to the early days. And while it isn’t anywhere near as good as any of those early albums, nobody really expected it to be, at least at this point in the band’s career. So given that expectations weren’t exactly through the roof for this one, I honestly can’t really complain about it. It saw Van Halen returning to their wild compositional style, relentlessly shreddy riffs and solos from EVH, and Roth’s delightfuly ornery personality and lyrical style (not to mention Wolfgang more than holding down the fort on bass). We even got a pretty enjoyable rock radio single in the form of “Tattoo.” Even if it doesn’t have the longterm replay value of the band’s classic works, Different Kind of Truth sees the band come full circle to deliver as satisfying a swan song as anybody could expect of them (and if this album never existed, that title would belong to Van Halen III, so I’ll take what I can get).
10. Balance (1995)
Even being a pretty big Van Hagar defender, I must admit that the issues fans had with this era of Van Halen were becoming pretty glaring by this point. It’s on the lengthy side, the dynamics can be pretty toned down, often erring on the ballad side of things, and the album’s biggest single, “Can’t Stop Loving You” may be the single cheesiest thing Van Halen has ever written. But that’s not to say Balance doesn’t have strong moments too. Ragers like “The Seventh Seal,” “Big Fat Money,” and “Aftershock” proved that Van Halen could still rock it old school, even if the band’s bigger hits from this era told a different story. And even I must admit “Take Me Back (Deja Vu)” is one of the better love ballads in the band’s discography. Overall, Balance doesn’t have much top-to-bottom replay value, as it begins to show warning signs of the issues that would plague Van Halen III just a few years later, but there’s definitely enough good stuff hear to make it worth checking out.
9. Diver Down (1982)
The original run of Roth-lead Van Halen albums are viewed as somewhat sacred by Van Halen fans, so it may seem blasphemous to rank any one of them this low. However, my issue with Diver Down isn’t the quality of the music itself, but simply the fact that it feels like the most incomplete album in Van Halen’s discography. Five of the 12 tracks on this already very short album are covers, leaving barely an EP’s worth of original material, and none of it among the strongest of the DLR era. This album was carried entirely by its cover songs. But hey, let it never be said that Van Halen don’t know how to make a cover all their own. Roy Orbison’s classic, “(Oh) Pretty Woman” has become just as synonymous with Van Halen as with Orbison himself, and the band pay obligatory service to Eddie’s obsession with The Kinks on their cover of “Where Have All the Good Times Gone!” Their cover of “Happy Trails” admittedly functions as a pretty weird closer, but early Van Halen were just goofy enough to pull it off. At the end of the day, Diver Down functions as a glorified covers album, which also features some decent original deep cuts that are worth hearing at least once.
8. OU812 (1988)
Sure this album was a continuation of everything Roth-era purists hated about 5150, but for fans of the Van Hagar style, the majority of this album is actually really solid. Songs like “When It’s Love” will always be divisive among the Van Halen fanbase (I’ll gladly admit I love it), but the other two singles, “Black and Blue,” and “Finish What Ya Started,” have all the Van Halen energy and personality that fans could ever ask for. And come on, who doesn’t love “Cabo Wabo?” This album may be a little heavy on the ballads, but I don’t think this album, or the Van Hagar era in general, get enough credit for the great hard rock tunes that came out of it. Perhaps this is because the synth-laden love songs were consistently released as singles, but that was only one side of Van Hagar. OU812 certainly falls short of the energy, consistency, and top-to-bottom classic status of 5150, but there’s way too much good here to dismiss it outright.
7. Fair Warning (1981)
Sure, the Van Halen formula had gotten pretty predictable by album number four, but is that really a bad thing? There were definitely signs here that the band would need to change it up soon (perhaps that’s why the next album was almost half covers), but on Fair Warning, Van Halen still had the energy and hutzpah that had driven their work up to this point, and that’s what matters. With a pair of stone cold classics in the form of “So This Is Love?” and “Unchained,” and a handful of hidden gems such as “Sinner’s Swing!” and “Push Comes to Shove,” Fair Warning was more than enough to keep Van Halen fans content with the band’s winning formula, at least for the time being. I can’t think of a better testament to the quality of Van Halen’s classic works than the fact that in the bottom half of the list, we already have an album that I really have no complaints about.
6. For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (1991)
To Roth-era purists, For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge may as well have been titled The Album with “Right Now” on it. “Right Now” was the peak of Eddie’s love affair with keyboards, and as such is not always a popular one with old school Van Halen fans. Whatever you think of “Right Now,” the truth is that this song in no way represents the rest of For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. In reality, this album is an absolute romp. “Poundcake,” “Judgement Day,” and “Pleasure Dome,” are among the most raw, raucous tracks Van Halen have ever written (both musically and lyrically), and even “Top of the World” has achieved classic status as an essential, old school sounding Van Halen single (this could be due in part to the fact that its melody is lifted from “Dance the Knight Away,” but every band starts self-plagiarizing around the decade mark, so who can complain?). If you’re strictly an old school Van Halen fan, chances are Right Now will always be your kryptonite, but don’t let that song be the reason you miss out on perhaps the heaviest album in Van Halen’s discography.
5. Women and Children First (1980)
If any album deserves the title Van Halen III, it’s this one. Apart from the fact that it’s Van Halen’s actual third album, it is a faithful continuation of the legacy the band established with Van Halen and Van Halen II, while also showing that the band was willing to go even heavier. Upon release, “And the Cradle Will Rock…” and “Everybody Wants Some!!” were two of the band’s hardest hitting singles to date, and that barely scratches the surface of this record. Women and Children First is filled to the brim with obscure gems, such as “Fools” and “Loss of Control,” which are some of the best examples of Van Halen’s tightness and impact as a unit, as well as “Take Your Whiskey Home” and “Could This Be Magic?” which are among the best of the gritty, sleazy, Roth-era ditties that we’ve all come to love so dearly. It wasn’t easy to put this album nearly halfway down the list. For most other bands, this could be in the top three, easily. But once again, that’s only a testament to how great Van Halen truly was.
4. Van Halen II (1979)
Very few bands manage to avoid the sophomore slump at all, let alone avoid it as fabulously as Van Halen did (especially with such a spectacular debut to live up to). Eddie and company managed to expand on their sound and flex their creative muscles, while keeping everything that made Van Halen such an instant classic intact. “Somebody Get Me a Doctor” and “Beautiful Girls” are timeless classics that measure up to any of the singles on Van Halen (well…almost), while “Dance the Night Away” proved that the band was capable of writing heartstring-tugging love ballads, and Eddie proved he could shred just as hard on acoustic with “Spanish Fly.” And who could forget the irresistible groove of “D.O.A.” or the raw power of the “You’re No Good” cover. It’s been well established that sophomore albums are never easy, but with Van Halen II, Van Halen masterfully demonstrate how to catch lightening in a bottle a second time, while also showing they’d learned some new tricks.
3. 5150 (1986)
And now, I have to pick on Van Hagar haters one more time, because this album is seriously fantastic. Yes it was a bold move for Van Halen, and yes it gave into the pop rock trends of the time. But I think people tend to forget that giving into mainstream sensibilities doesn’t automatically make something bad (plus, they were already moving in this direction on 1984, so y’all gotta stop blaming Sammy Hagar for it). In fact, this is one of the most consistent, well produced, and top-to-bottom enjoyable albums in Van Halen’s discography. Sure, hits such as “Why Can’t This Be Love” and “Love Walks In” pissed a lot of fans off, with their mid-tempo synth-driven approach, but again, these songs are great examples of how hopping on trends doesn’t negate the quality of the writing and performance. Honestly, I even love “Dreams,” in all its stupid, cheesy glory. But it would be a disservice to this album to chalk it up entirely to those songs. Conversely, we get tracks such as “Good Enough,” “Inside,” and of course, “Best of Both Worlds,” which proved that the same old Van Halen that everybody loved hadn’t gone anywhere.
2. 1984 (1984)
The final album of the original Roth era of Van Halen, 1984 functions as something of a bridge between old school Van Halen, and the Van Hagar sound. We get tracks such as “Hot for Teacher” and “House of Pain” that sound like they could’ve just as easily been from the band’s debut, as well as an all-out synthpop anthem in the form of “Jump.” And in between? Classics, such as “Panama,” “Drop Dead Legs,” and “I’ll Wait,” which boast the unmistakable powerhouse instrumental stylings of Van Halen, mixed with a more tuned in sense of melody than had ever been heard from the band. Throw in an epic, spacey sounding instrumental intro track, and you have what is perhaps the most complete album in Van Halen’s discography. Lined top-to-bottom with a diverse array of some of the band’s biggest hits, 1984 is a great sampling of everything people love about this incredible band. In fact, it’s no wonder so many people consider this the best Van Halen album. What could possibly top this level of near-perfection? Well dear reader, the only thing that could top this is an album that changed the course of rock and roll forever.
1.Van Halen (1978)
There have been many great albums in music history. A pretty good handful of near-perfect albums, even. But completely game-changing? There are only a handful of those. And I’d undoubtedly count Van Halen among them. With their debut album, Van Halen came out swinging, with the explosive, energetic rock and roll spirit of bands like Zeppelin and The Stones, but with a ramped up, chaotic approach to composition and orchestration, that would set a new standard for how rock and metal bands would perform for years to come, in the studio and on stage alike. Immortal classics such as “Runnin’ with the Devil,” “Jamie’s Cryin’,” and the “You Really Got Me” cover are hard rock essentials to this day. “Ice Cream Man” established David Lee Roth as one of rock’s all time great frontmen, and set a standard that lead singers still try to live up to to this day. And “Eruption”…what can I even begin to say about “Eruption.” In less than two minutes, Eddie Van Halen melted faces and blew minds across the world, inspired countless kids to pick up a guitar, and set the tone for what rock and metal lead guitar would mean for the rest of time. As a lover of rock music, I can’t think of a record that better encapsulates the spirit and energy of rock and roll better than this one. So one day, when you decide to introduce your kids, or even your grandkids, to the world of rock and roll, drop a copy of Van Halen on the turntable, and watch their jaws drop, and their faces light up, as something clicks, and they start to understand why this music is so deeply engrained into the hearts and souls of so many. That is what Eddie Van Halen did for music. Rest in peace, and thank you for everything.
1955-2020
Phil Klinker Music Reviews 